physically and emotionally damaged

I’ve been thinking. It’s sad how easy it is to lie. I’m having a lot of trust issues now. Someone can say “I promise I’m not doing this or that” but actually they are doing it…. I have a really bad feeling in my gut that my mom is still talking to Walter, even after she told me she isn’t. I just don’t know anymore. I can’t trust people even though they tell me I can trust them, I just can’t. I’m not the same person I used to be. I changed completely. Out of everything I thought of when I was growing up was/is completely different now. This ruined my life to the max. I never wanted this. I don’t wanna hear one more “Just be patient” it’s always gonna stay the same…  All of my hopes are up. I know I should have some hopes, But I don’t 🙁 I will never be the same person I used to be. Will never have the same smile I used to have. Will never look at you like I used to look at you. I’m physically and emotionally damaged. And every time I get into my dads truck, I always get flashbacks of our Vacations together, of them holding hands, us jamming out to the fun songs together, and driving through our favorite fast food places together. Those memories will never go away, and it kills me. I will never be the same again. And if I do find out my mom is with him, I’m never going to go over there to see him or be around him. She will come here to see me. 🙂